The inevitability of it all is what slugs the most. A head martyred for bloodlines, this inherited shine. Where for now my follicleless sheddings? Yet still is your lifeless production required, appease my vanity, allow truth to this delusion . . .
Oh dear.
Is there much to be gained in these pills my brother recommended? Does it really curb a loss or merely perpetuate a twilight - an everpresent Northern Star guiding eyes to a truer progression.
My Lord.
Is this some sort of evolutionary trick? A genetic predisposition to a balding head inherited via a mother blissfully unaware. Oh offspring-that-will-never-happen, love will not be the choosing of your mother. No: Marry a pretty girl after seeing her mother's brother.
Now.
In the trail of its' waste I learn the techniques of hair-gel: A parting with authority, a suggestive ruffledness. My life it instills regiment in: Shower daily (minimize noticeability); exercise more often (maximize alternative features); eat well (offset non-inherited physical deteriorations); socialize inclusively (maintain a potential of a future unalone).
So . . .
. . . this synthetic inhibitor, this intracellular enzyme - this Finasteride I'm beholden to make good your web brief. Spare me, like the lab mice, any carcinogenic effect. And likewise make mutagenesis a term confined to data sheets. Like tested rabbits allow me the fecundity to choose or not choose those offspring-that-will-never-happen. Oh conquering Finasteride, make banishment upon that stunting Dihydrotesterone. Let us regain those spoiled follicles to their spindling glory: Let locks flow in no comb-over and no forehead recline.
But my hair still recedes and I am falling apart.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
My father has a maxim, "As I am so shall you be", something which I find most disturbing. He used rogaine for a few years, and Im pretty sure, when he was a little younger, and were it avaiable affordably, he would have opted for a transplant. I always said though, id try a shaved head first, go for the virile Patrick Stewart look. Baldness is after all, a sign of virility (an over production of testosterone) quite contrary to the image we may have of it.
Keep the faith dude.
Perhaps a lil' bit too much information, I know. Was trying to break from the last few more sombre postings of mine. Not sure if I did that, seems a bit too confessional - I was hoping for comic. (Although I do admit as a follow up to Pat's fine 'Man-Boobs' piece, it's lending a sort of Problem Page feel to the site. Dr.Lou: we need you!)
Jhon Neo, always sticking his nose into other people's article sites. At least he referred you to many information. Dave, your piece is tragicomic -- hilarious in your odistic treatment of the possible remedies, harrowing in your struggle with an inevitability that haunts far too many of us. I propose the next post be from a writer suffering from erectile dysfunction or a tapeworm ... and therefore nominate myself.
I am also taking bets on whether or not "erectile dysfunction" in this comment will attract any more helpful spammers.
thanks pat. and yes mr.neo - for a system generated generic comment - has poor grammar. i also feel a bit belittled by his "good luck, dave" outro.
Again, upon review, this piece is hilarious.
Post a Comment